An honest question
What if church hurt me?
Key points
- Short answer: Then you were wronged, and it was not God’s doing.
- What Jesus did: Jesus saw this happen in his own day. He said religious leaders “bind heavy burdens… and lay them on men’s shoulders,” then won’t lift a finger to help.
- The Lutheran view: The Lutheran Reformation began as a protest against a church that was burdening people’s consciences, frightening them about their sins and selling relief.
The short answer
Then you were wronged, and it was not God’s doing.
Jesus’ hardest words were for religious people who loaded burdens onto others. His kindest were for the people they pushed out.
What Jesus said and did
Jesus saw this happen in his own day. He said religious leaders “bind heavy burdens… and lay them on men’s shoulders,” then won’t lift a finger to help. When his own disciples tried to keep children away from him, he was angry. Over and over he went to the people the religious world had pushed out, and sat with them first.
A little longer
Many people left church because of how they were treated there. They were shamed, judged or gossiped about. They were told they didn’t belong, or hurt by someone they trusted. That is not a small thing, and it is not your fault.
You don’t have to go back to the place that hurt you, and you don’t have to forgive on anyone else’s timetable. Forgiveness, when it comes, is not pretending it was fine, and it does not mean trusting someone again. You can read the Gospels on your own, pray at home, and try a different congregation only if and when you want to.
If a pastor or church leader abused you, that is wrong, and it may be a crime. You can report it to the police. In the ELCA, you can also report a pastor’s wrongdoing to the bishop of the local synod (the regional church leader). You can ask for help from someone outside that congregation.
- Need help now If you are in crisis, or someone is in danger, start here.
Where Christians disagree
Christians disagree about whether to stay and work for change in a church that has done harm, or to leave. They agree that harm done in God’s name has to be named honestly, and that forgiving someone is not the same as excusing what they did.
How Lutherans see it
The Lutheran Reformation began as a protest against a church that was burdening people’s consciences, frightening them about their sins and selling relief. Luther insisted that God’s word to a troubled person is forgiveness and freedom, not fear. Lutherans also confess that the church is made of sinners, and that it has to keep being reformed. When it hurts people, it is the church that needs to change, not the God it was meant to show you.
Where it is in the Bible
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Matthew 23:1–4 Jesus on leaders who load burdens and won’t lift a finger.
Read Matthew 23:1–4
1 Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to his disciples, 2 saying, “The scribes and the Pharisees sat on Moses’ seat. 3 All things therefore whatever they tell you to observe, observe and do, but don’t do their works; for they say, and don’t do. 4 For they bind heavy burdens that are grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not lift a finger to help them.
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
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Mark 10:13–16 Jesus is angry when children are kept away from him.
Read Mark 10:13–16
13 They were bringing to him little children, that he should touch them, but the disciples rebuked those who were bringing them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was moved with indignation, and said to them, “Allow the little children to come to me! Don’t forbid them, for God’s Kingdom belongs to such as these. 15 Most certainly I tell you, whoever will not receive God’s Kingdom like a little child, he will in no way enter into it.” 16 He took them in his arms, and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
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Matthew 11:28–30 “Come to me… and I will give you rest.”
Read Matthew 11:28–30
28 “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
What do these words mean?
| The word | It means |
|---|---|
| Disciples | Jesus’ closest followers and friends. |
| Gospel | One of the four books about Jesus’ life: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. It also means “good news.” |
| Pastor | A church leader who preaches, teaches and cares for people. |
| Sin | Anything that turns us away from God and from loving other people. |
Tap a word for more. All 228 church words: the glossary, A to Z
Where to go next
Other questions people ask
Written by Digital Lutheran Church, a small, free website from the nonprofit Hope for Americans, in the tradition of the ELCA. Bible passages are from the World English Bible.