An honest question
What do I do with shame?
Key points
- Short answer: Bring it into the light, a little at a time. Jesus never once shamed someone who was already ashamed.
- What Jesus did: A woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, unclean by the rules of the day, touched Jesus in a crowd, hoping no one would notice.
- The Lutheran view: Luther knew shame well; for years he could not believe God could love him.
The short answer
Bring it into the light, a little at a time. Jesus never once shamed someone who was already ashamed. He went toward them.
What Jesus said and did
A woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, unclean by the rules of the day, touched Jesus in a crowd, hoping no one would notice. He stopped and found her, not to scold her but to call her “Daughter” in front of everyone: “Your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
A Samaritan woman came to the well alone at noon, when no one else would be there. Jesus talked with her, told her he knew her whole story, and didn’t leave. She ran back to town saying, “Come, see a man who told me everything that I did.” Being fully known, and not rejected, set her free.
A little longer
Guilt says, “I did something bad.” It can lead somewhere good: an apology, a change. Shame says, “I am bad,” and it makes people hide, from God and from each other. The first people in the Bible hid among the trees: “I was afraid… so I hid myself.”
Shame grows in secret. It shrinks when it is spoken to someone safe: a friend, a pastor, a counselor, God in prayer. You don’t have to say everything at once.
Christians believe Jesus carried shame too. He was stripped and executed in public, the most shameful death there was, and the Bible says he “endured the cross, despising its shame.” Shame does not get the last word about him, or about you.
If shame is heavy and won’t lift, or you’re thinking of hurting yourself, please talk to someone now. In the United States, call or text 988, any time.
- Need help now If you are in crisis, or thinking about hurting yourself, start here.
Where Christians disagree
Christians differ on how much to talk about sin and how much about shame. Some worry that focusing on shame softens the call to change. Others say people who are drowning in shame can’t hear anything until they know they are loved. Most agree Jesus did both: he named what was wrong, and he never stopped loving the person.
How Lutherans see it
Luther knew shame well; for years he could not believe God could love him. What freed him was the promise that God declares sinners right with him as a gift. Lutherans say you are, at the same time, a sinner and fully loved, so you don’t have to hide either half from God.
Where it is in the Bible
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Mark 5:25–34 “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
Read Mark 5:25–34
25 A certain woman, who had a discharge of blood for twelve years, 26 and had suffered many things by many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better, but rather grew worse, 27 having heard the things concerning Jesus, came up behind him in the crowd, and touched his clothes. 28 For she said, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be made well.” 29 Immediately the flow of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction. 30 Immediately Jesus, perceiving in himself that the power had gone out from him, turned around in the crowd, and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” 31 His disciples said to him, “You see the multitude pressing against you, and you say, ‘Who touched me?’ ” 32 He looked around to see her who had done this thing. 33 But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had been done to her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be cured of your disease.”
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
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John 4:7–30 Known completely, and not turned away.
Read John 4:7–30
7 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” 8 For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. 9 The Samaritan woman therefore said to him, “How is it that you, being a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. So where do you get that living water? 12 Are you greater than our father, Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his children and his livestock?” 13 Jesus answered her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst again; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I don’t get thirsty, neither come all the way here to draw.” 16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You said well, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands; and he whom you now have is not your husband. This you have said truly.” 19 The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” 21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour comes, when neither in this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, will you worship the Father. 22 You worship that which you don’t know. We worship that which we know; for salvation is from the Jews. 23 But the hour comes, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such to be his worshipers. 24 God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” 25 The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah comes, he who is called Christ. When he has come, he will declare to us all things.” 26 Jesus said to her, “I am he, the one who speaks to you.” 27 At this, his disciples came. They marveled that he was speaking with a woman; yet no one said, “What are you looking for?” or, “Why do you speak with her?” 28 So the woman left her water pot, went away into the city, and said to the people, 29 “Come, see a man who told me everything that I did. Can this be the Christ?” 30 They went out of the city, and were coming to him.
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
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Genesis 3:8–10 The first hiding: “I was afraid… so I hid myself.”
Read Genesis 3:8–10
8 They heard the LORD God’s voice walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 The LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 The man said, “I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; so I hid myself.”
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
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Hebrews 12:1–2 Jesus endured the cross, despising its shame.
Read Hebrews 12:1–2
1 Therefore let’s also, seeing we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let’s run with perseverance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising its shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
World English Bible, public domain. The whole chapter on Free Scripture → · Read in the NRSVue, the ELCA’s standard translation →
What do these words mean?
| The word | It means |
|---|---|
| Faith | Trust in God. Lutherans say it is a gift God gives, not something you work up. |
| Samaritan | Someone from Samaria, a region many Jews of Jesus’ time looked down on. |
| Pastor | A church leader who preaches, teaches and cares for people. |
| The cross | Where Jesus was put to death. Christians see God’s love most clearly there. |
| Sin | Anything that turns us away from God and from loving other people. |
Tap a word for more. All 228 church words: the glossary, A to Z
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Other questions people ask
Written by Digital Lutheran Church, a small, free website from the nonprofit Hope for Americans, in the tradition of the ELCA. Bible passages are from the World English Bible.